Radio Report Script 1

I wanted to conduct research on Radio stations and how their reports or sentencing is crafted. So I listened to various clips on YouTube to get an understanding of how I should structure my own:

Radio News Reporting Project 5#
BBC THREE, 60 seconds news update 01

I have a better understanding of how Radio's construct their information. The presenters introduce themselves, the Radio station and can state the time, also advertising certain products and merchandise. However, as I'm intending to do a 60 second news update, I realise that the information needs to be said at a fast pace and must contain no waffle - sticking to the point and facts.
I've listened, watched and focused upon some more 60 second news updates, here's the links:

BBC THREE, 60 seconds news update 02
BBC THREE, 60 seconds news update 03
60 Seconds News Update
GT ONLINE, 60 Seconds News Update

Their introduction's are very brief and can state the time of update but don't always seem to because of the limited amount of time. The presenters pace of voice doesn't seem to really matter, as-long as they state all of the information given within the time limit. I think a presenter can have an accent, as-long as the information is clear for the listener. A slower pace may be used to allow listeners to process the information more. Also, I've noticed that the presenters pause in between stories - indicating each different update to the listener. I will need to create my own sound to announce the 60 second news update for the protagonist and our audience. I'm planning to do this using Logic Pro.

Here's the result:

Good evening, all you Londoner's! You're listening to 'Look out' Radio's 60 second news updates
I'm (NAME)
Have you recently seen anything unusual?
We have reports of sightings in Oxford Street of a young female, early teens, wearing a ripped, blood stained, white night gown.She is said to have marks across her face and shin, possibly abrasions or bruising.She is also said to have long dark matted hair.Unfortunately, we cannot give further details due to the lack of information received from members of the general public.
If you believe you have seen this girl, or someone of a similar description, please do not hesitate to get in contact with your local Police station and Lookout Radio...

Katie Price has recently bought a new 9 and a half thousand pound handbag and says "it's a splash of cash for my little Princess"

I wanted to immediately ascertain a rough time estimate and audience location within the first sentence. I wanted the audience to know that this was a 60 second update - as the normal music played and was interrupted a listener would need to be notified why or what it was interrupted by. Then beginning with the story I tried my best to decrease the waffle, getting straight to the point. By questioning the audience I intended to grasp their attention and intrigue, adding my own twist to the 60 second news update. I then moved on to Katie Price - at this point I intend the volume of the non-diagetic Radio to decrease through editing as the audience follow the protagonists reaction; closing our opening sequence.
I realise that this is only the 'skeleton' of the script and that it will be improved over time.

I have recorded multiple clips of this on camera and will edit it soon. I realise that this will most likely need improving and or tweaking to get it to a high standard and the best quality to make it a believable Radio for our audience.

Thanks for reading, hope the see some helpful feedback :)